My little baby is turning into my Big Girl

My little girl turned 2 and suddenly it just feels like she's growing up faster. Where's my little baby? It's hard when it's your last and you know this is your last everything...last baby toddling, drinking from a bottle, wearing the little clothes, sleeping in a crib, etc. So everything she does or outgrows I can't help but feel a brief sigh of sadness. Now, on the flip side, she really is at a very fun age and it's hard not to laugh a lot and just enjoy her. She really is coming into her own in terms of personality, humor, language, style, etc. She has become pretty interested in what she wears, knows what she wants, wants to do EVERYTHING her self, and has a memory of gold so be careful of what you and say and do in front of her. She tells everyone she's 3 not 2, is on the go all day and her language has gotten so expressive that it's really funny to hear what she has to say.

And she likes to shop! This is a new one for me because neither of my boys enjoy shopping or any kind of errands. In general I do most of that stuff on the weekend and leave them home to play with dad. Not Emily, she loves to go and it's been fun to have a buddy along. Today Emily and I spent a couple of hours out shopping. Both her brothers are having back to back birthday parties in the next few weeks so it's become the mad rush to plan and prepare for their parties. She was so funny..she runs to get her sweater, picked out flip flops to wear (It was in the 80's here today) grabbed her pink sunglasses and her purple phone and she was good to go. I just never know what she's going to do when we get ready to leave. We went to Target and Michaels (right next to one another) and she just made her self at home in the shopping cart. Of course she is funny, she likes to hold everything first before you can put it in the cart. "I hold that." And she has an opinion about everything too. We were on the toy aisle looking at a hot wheels track for Bubba and of course she wants to see everything too. She tells me.."that one mama," pointing at a car on the shelf. Which one Emily? There is a whole wall of cars and I couldn't tell which one she is pointing at. "Pink one," is her reply. This lately is her color of choice. Which one is the pink one I ask...none of them are pink. She points to a light purple car..."that one." And when I'm too slow to respond she just wiggles out of her seatbelt and gets it herself. She really keeps me on my toes. Her other new saying is.."that's cute." in reference to something I pick up. She's just a crack up. Errands of course are harder to do with a little one in tow, but oh it was fun today.

Also today we hit another big milestone for Emily. Emily's side rail on her crib came off. She is now sleeping in a big girl bed. Emily was excited...mommy was a little weepy...last baby in the crib stage is over... Over the past month Emily has climbed out of her crib a few times but nothing on a regular basis but in the last few days she has climbed out pretty regularly and when she showed up by our bedside quietly at 7am this morning I knew it was time to take the rail down and really baby proof her room, lock down her bathroom door, baby proof her bedroom door, etc. Who knows how long she had been up. I'm a really sound sleeper and unless someone wakes up screaming bloody murder I will not hear them. Emily showing up quietly at my bedside did not sit easy with me while hubby and I were snoozing and she had the run of the upstairs and since she was able to get out of her room I just worry about her getting down the stairs and going outside. Yes, she has mastered how to unlock all the doors in our house and even though our doors beep when they are opened, if I'm sound asleep I won't hear it. I never even hear my husband get up, shower and get dressed and I sleep right next to him and our bathroom. We also sleep upstairs and even though we have a baby gate at the top of the stairs I would still feel much more comfortable if I was awake when she's out of her room roaming around. I'm a nut, I know. So when our kids are under 3 they get a door knob cover on the inside of their door so they can't get out. It's like their crib has just gotten a lot larger and is now the entire room. We have monitors in our bedroom of all 3 kids' rooms so if the littlest one is awake and needs us she will just call for us just as she did when she would wake up in her crib and I can continue to sleep soundly knowing she can't get in any trouble. Generally by 3 I feel better about this and the cover comes off, but at 2 years old, I just don't.

So by this evening her room was stripped of all the decorative things, diaper creams, toothpastes, hair clips, even the paper books, etc were removed, bathroom door locked down for the night, closet cleared of anything dangerous, night light removed. We had our same routine as usual and then I laid Emily in her bed, tucked her in with her blanket and stuffies and kissed her goodnight. I lined her open ended crib floor with soft pillows in case she rolled off the bed and then I turned the lights to very dim. I ran to my room and watched on the monitor. Would she turn over and go to sleep? Would she hop off the bed and play? Emily just turned over and went to sleep. That's my big girl. Of course it's only the first night...and of course there's her naptime tomorrow. I'm betting she won't fall asleep during her nap tomorrow...

Update...Emily's been asleep for about 4 hours now but she just turned over and rolled off the bed. Poor thing!! She temporarily sat up, confused about how that could happen, I'm sure and then she just laid back down on the pillows on the floor and went back to sleep. My poor baby is sleeping on the floor. Should I pick her up and put her back in the bed where she most likely will roll back out or let her stay sleeping on the carpeted floor on the pillows? Looks like I'll probably be investing in a bed rail. (I don't remember Bubba ever falling out.) Quick search on the internet...One Step Ahead carries them. Bed rails for the crib are so tiny!!

Emily in her crib for the last time.

Emily in her new big girl bed.

As daddy was taking off the rail Emily kept saying.."no daddy, no break bed." She was really concerned daddy was destroying her bed. We explained daddy was taking off the rail to make her bed into her new big girl bed and when she saw she could climb up and down with out having to go over the rail she was all smiles. She kept saying..."big girl bed, big girl bed."

I know this is getting long, but one other cute sidestory...Emily has become very interested in babies. My sister is due in the next few weeks with a baby girl. We are all very excited. Emily is very interested in Auntie, her tummy, and the new baby. She knows the baby's name, knows that the baby is living in Auntie's tummy and will soon arrive..or "pop out" as she refers to the baby's arrival. She recently got to feel the baby kicking and it was explained that the baby was kicking inside Auntie's tummy. You can see her trying to process this. "Baby kick Auntie, mama?" Yes, Emily. The baby is inside Auntie and when she kicks Auntie can feel her. Emily. "Kick Mama." And she makes her silly face and tries to kick me. No silly, you are not inside the tummy anymore. And we've talked about how every person was once a baby inside their mama's tummy. And that when Emily was a little baby she was inside her Russian mama's tummy and when she would kick, her Russian mama could feel her too. A few times Emily has even crawled under my shirt so she was completely covered and would say "baby kick" and kick my shirt. She's such a smart cookie. The other day my almost 6 year old asked me what airline did we fly on when we brought him home. (He knows we flew on Lufthansa to bring Emily home.) Kind of funny I thought, as I know he's seen his baby pictures of me pregnant with him, and him in the hospital with me and daddy and him. So I just assumed he remembered that. So I have started to talk with both the boys too about what it was like carrying each of them and how I would feel them inside me too. Now my oldest is getting wise as he asked me the other day how are they going to get that baby out of Auntie's tummy? I like my sister's response to her own 3 year old son for this question. When the baby's ready to come out she will find a way out just as you did when you were born. My oldest needed more info so we briefly talked about the two different ways a baby can be born.

Anyways, back to Emily. So everyday we have conversations that go something like this. Emily will say, "Auntie baby pop out?" Not yet..Auntie's baby is still in her tummy. "Auntie baby hiding mama." Yes, she's still hiding inside Auntie. Are you going to play with the baby Emily when she's out. "Play beach. Auntie baby beach?" Yes, she will get to come to the beach with us too. Yesterday during naptime Emily announced she had a baby in her tummy too. "Feel my baby mama. Baby tummy." And she rubs her tummy. Is there a baby in your tummy, Emily? "Yep, baby mama. Feel. Baby kick, mama." I asked her if there was a baby in my tummy? I was curious if she thought there were babies hiding in all girls' tummies. The answer was a quick no. Oh well, daddy will be happy to hear that. We went back to admiring Emily's baby and feeling the baby kick. :) I think Emily will be really surprised when she sees how small the baby is as she still tells me she is a baby too and I think she is thinking this is going to be someone to play with her right off the bat.

Photos for Friday

Update at 5 months!!

Time is flying!! My little baby is looking more and more like a little toddler. She is 18 months old now.

We had our first post placement home visit today with the same social worker that helped us through our homestudy. It was fun to see her again and show off all of our hard work. She was quite taken with Emily. Since we were asked so many progress questions today I thought I would take a moment and do an update.

Attachment:

Emily has made great strides since she has been home. In the beg. she held out her hands for anyone to pick her up...went up to anyone who engaged her in cute talk. She went to a stranger, friend it made no difference. In the past 2 months on several occasions if anyone she does not know well gets in her space or tries to pick her up she immediately yells, "mama, mama," cries, holds out her hands for me, or stays near me somewhat guarded when someone is talking with her instead of diving into their arms with full gusto. When I leave the room more often than not she doesn't panic and break down on the floor in tears. When I return, she immediately comes running full of big smiles and is happy to see me. She invites me to play. She will bring me a tea cup and one for herself to play tea. She will pat a chair for me to sit down next to her. She still on occasion will stiffen and cry if I hold her in the cradle pose during naptime in the big chair and I don't give her a bottle of milk right away. But it's a huge difference to what she used to do.

She follows simple commands or directions. She still loves the word "no" to lots of my requests esp. eating foods. She has gotten so picky, just like the boys, ugh! But I also think this is a good thing as she realizes food is available and she doesn't have to eat it all everytime food is offered. We also eat a very different menu from what she ate in the babyhome. My husband is a vegetarian and we live in California. We have some pretty werid food preferences. On the days when we do eat more traditional meat and potato stews she is suddenly not picky and will gobble her food down and often have seconds. But on the days when that is not the case, if I say, "Emily, say yes momma." She will say it too and then take a bite or do what is asked. Much more compliant than the boys. Of course she IS a girl and girls are NOT boys. There really is a huge gender difference. She is really affectionate...gives hugs and kisses and loves to have her foot on my leg during meals. Very sweet girl. She also enjoys being near me when I have to work and will bring toys over and play at my feet. She is much more comfortable now with daddy and talks about him all the time. She still prefers me first but will seek out daddy for play and attention esp if they are going outside and I have to stay inside to cook dinner. This is a huge change for her.

I think the biggest change..the one that makes me feel relieved like attachment is really progressing towards a more secure attachment is that Emily can now say buh bye momma. She has always been able to say that to dadda and both her brothers but when I would say.."can you say buh bye momma?" She would immediately say, "no" and it would clearly agitate her the thought of having to say bye to mama..to have to separate from me. I knew she had an anxious attachment to me as she was stuck to me like glue or would get really upset if I was in another room and she couldn't get to me because of the baby gate. And though anxious is not ideal at least it wasn't ambivilant. :-) Just in this month she has suddenly been able to say buh bye momma. We were playing in the living room and she picked up her purse and keys and suddenly said "buh bye momma" and walked out of my eyesight. She would come back fairly quickly smiling. She practiced that game a few more times. And since that time she has said it to me on a few more time casually.

Attachment is a difficult topic. I think as a biological mother you take for granted that your child will be attached to you. It was not a worry I had that they wouldn't attach. I was however always big into attachment parenting..big believer in baby wearing, skin time, holding them, being the one to stay home with them and meet all their needs but I never worried that for one minute they wouldn't attach securely. But as an adoptive parent this idea of attachment to my child has made me feel very vulnerable. I love my daughter so deeply and want the best for her. I want her to need me and love me and feel secure and safe with me and in our family. And in the beg of our relationship, when we were still learning about each other and I was falling more and more in love with Emily it was painful to see her reach out to strangers. And even though I knew rationally that it was a learned thing and she associated all friendly women as potential caregivers and didn't understand that now only one woman, her mama would be the one to meet all her needs and her affections. It didn't matter in my heart, it would still send jealous pangs through me and tell me..I guess we still aren't there yet, we still have so much work to do. And I think a part of me will always wonder about this business of attachment. How secure is my daughter's attachment to me..to our family? And can we still do something to make that attachment deteriorate? We are in no way at a total and secure attachment. We are still a "work in progress" but we are at a place now where I feel much more relaxed about our level of attachment in our relationship to talk about it honestly.

Language:


I haven't had her evaluated for speech delays. But my pediatrician doesn't feel it's necessary and I don't think at this point in time she needs it either. She is picking up words pretty quickly. She probably has 25-30 words and signs. She is using them in 2 word sentences even combining signs. She can say clearly all of her immediate family members by names including one of our dogs. Her pronuciation is quite clear. I'm pretty amazed by her communication skills. Her receptive language is amazing. She understands everything even if I'm not talking to her but someone else. She is very expressive in her facial features so it's easy to read her and her feelings. She also loves to make noises and animal sounds. Current favorite animal sound is "ribbit ribbit" for frog. And she hops too when she does it. And she loves to say "boing boing" when she jumps up and down. Her newest word is "blanket."



Personality/Temperament:






My daughter is a ham. She loves to be silly, wear silly hats and glasses. She likes to perform/show off her sillyness. She loves to ham it up with her brothers too. She clearly has a sense of humor. For instance, she was putting stickers on the bottom of my feet, then she would get my attention, point to my feet and just laugh. She is flexible, adaptable, happy, smiling a real go with the flow. She is pretty regular and pretty persistent. She mirrors my oldest son is so many ways it's really frightening. She has a lot of energy and loves to be moving. She also is quite imaginative and likes to make noises for things in her play. She loves books and remembers what's going to happen in upcoming pages and will act it out when we get to that page. On the flip side she is also a drama queen and if she doesn't get her way right when she wants something out come the tears and the immediate flinging of her body to the floor in full out temper tantrums. They are very brief and she is more careful these days with her body. She doesn't quite fling herself down on the hardwood floor like she did in the early days.



Large & Fine Motor:

Emily is pretty coordinated for an 18 month old. She climbs easily, balances well, can turn herself around in difficult spots. She can jump in place and follow along behind a ball and kick it repeatedly. She uses alternating feet to walk up the stairs (as she holds onto my hand) She can even buckle the top buckle on her Britax carseat and lock and unlock the deadbolt on our doors. Her fine motor is also fluid. She can pick up the smallest debris off the floor.





She can peel off med size stickers and stick them to her paper. She can hold the crayon and scribble. She can feed herself with a spoon and has started to stab and scoop with her fork with pretty good success. She also has been able to get off her socks, slip her feet in her shoes and get her pants off.


Overall health:

She is a healthy little girl. She is up to date on her immunizations. She has put on 6 lbs in the last 6 months. And stands 2'8" tall. Her hair has come in fast. She has all her teeth except her 2 year molars. She has been using the toliet since she was 15 months and with good regularity. She understands both terms and will point to the correct part of her body where it is coming out of. Emily on occasion will make the sign for "potty" and run to the bathroom. Sometimes it's before she has gone, generally it's after she has already gone in her diaper. I of course am not expecting her to be out of diapers anytime soon but it's good to know she can keep herself dry and is interested in the potty. Of course with 3 kids 5 and under someone is always using the potty at our house. Emily has been interested in doing everything like her brothers so it's not a real surprise that she is wanting to use the potty too. And of course having 2 brothers you can imagine how funny and how much potty talk flies around the house. If she just says the word "butt" the boys are down on the floor in hysterics. So she has learned if she points to her own butt or theirs and says "butt" at the same time she gets lots of kudos from older brothers. Oh dear! Oh dear!

So there you have it!! Emily is doing well and fitting in just perfectly in this crazy family. While I'm still on the watch for attachment and other issues that could suddenly surface, we really are at a place where we can begin to relax into our family of five. We are just thrilled to have our daughter and look forward to watching her continue to grow and blossom. I can't wait to see what she will be like at 2 and 5 and 15. But for now we will just take and enjoy each new day as it comes!

Here is one last shot of her with her silly older brother. Emily is so cute. Every day we walk her big bro to his kindergarten classroom and each of us give him a hug and say goodbye to him. And she does too. She will say Buh bye (insert brother's name). And all the way home she still will say every few minutes...buh bye brother's name.


She is just a sweetheart!! A total pill at other times..but a sweetheart none the less!

Home 4.5 months!!

My baby girl is now 18 months old...and she is a mama's girl all the way. How sweet that feels!

As we quickly approach our 1st post placement report I can't help but reminisce over the past 6 months that we have known our daughter. She has changed so much from that independent 12 month baby we first met in the baby home to such a loving and feisty 18 month old. There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for sending her to us and thinking of us as worthy enough to be her parents. My heart just soars and I feel so blessed when she smiles up and me and in that moment I think of her biological parents and wish I could tell them how well she is doing and how much we love her. I only hope they know in their heart of hearts that she is safe and loved. Here is a quick look back at my sweet baby girl. My how she continues to come into her own!!!

Our first visits with our baby girl...

Wrapped around daddy's finger already!!

My little sweetheart!!

Our first family photo

This is my silly girl. To help lighten our last moments together before leaving for home the caregivers dressed Emily up as a mini caregiver. She was such a sport and clearly liked it. Here she is going into the kitchen to help get dinner for her gruppa. This is the last image I had of her as I left the baby home. Her looking back at us as we left.

Trip 2...

Our gotcha day!! April 22...leaving the babyhome forever.

Emily on the train leaving St Pete and heading to Moscow. She is just so cute looking at herself in the mirror in our compartment. Bittersweet moment. I cried for her as we pulled out from the train station. She was giving up so much to be with us..her birth city, her babyhome and caregivers, her culture and soon her birth country. But gaining so much more...a family, a future.

First few days home...



Love, love her red hair and little curls!!

Emily in the mtns, playing peekaboo behind the curtain and trying to dress herself in her brother's shorts. She loves clothes, shoes and bags already. Such a girl!

Enjoying the summer weather...

Emily loves to be outside and loves, loves to be in the swing!!

Isn't she just too cute? Can you feel me beaming yet?

Emily and her brothers at home and here she is camping for the first time.

I love this photo of Emily and daddy. It makes me want to sing..."Here comes the sun..doodah doodah..."

Spending time at the beach.

Silly girl with her own sense of style.

You've come a long way baby!!

And the road still continues...